I've never been in a relationship because of keloids
28-12-2016, 04:11
Post: #1
I've never been in a relationship because of keloids
I'm in my early 30s now but I've lived with keloids since I was a teenager. I just cannot get over the fear of my partner seeing me naked with keloid scars. No one other than my parents, siblings, and dermatologist have seen my keloids or even know I have them. I just don't talk about it to anyone.

I have several pea size scars around my chest and back area. They're not as bad as some of the images you see on google when you search keloids, not even close, but it's caused me to have low self-esteem issues. I think my scars are hideous but I've gotten used to them at the same time. It's a weird thing to say but I don't think about my scars unless they're itching, when i'm showering(being naked), or thinking/talking about relationships.

I think I'm a decent looking guy and my friends have told me the same. I have a career and make good money. I flirt a lot with the girls at work and when going out with friends, but I never let it get past being friends. Some of my good friends joke about me being gay because they've never seen me in a relationship! I know they're just busting my balls and I play along with it but deep down inside, it does affect me.

For those of you in relationships, how did you get over the hump? I just cannot......
03-01-2017, 12:51
Post: #2
RE: I've never been in a relationship because of keloids
I have a severe case of Keloids some when I was a,child, but most came from acne when I was in my early 20's. I married a man I've known since my teen years. Yes the keloids are embarrassing but I wanted a,relationship and children so I prayed and asked God to let me meet and marry a kind sympathetic soul whole love me and care for me despite the fact that I have keloids. I the man in married was my boyfriend when I was a teen (back when I only had a few keloids). We broke up with each other when I was 21 then 8 years later (by this time my keloids were severe) we reunited and got married. We were married for 20 years and then we divorced, my keloids did not have anything to do with our design to marry or our decision to divorce. Since there is no real cure for keloids, and you lack confidence to show your body, ask God to give you the confidence you need to meet and develop a healthy relationship with someone. (1) I hope your religious, (2) I've met a lot of men who have keloid scars and the keloids doesn't seem to stop them from forming intimate relationships.

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04-03-2017, 17:55
Post: #3
RE: I've never been in a relationship because of keloids
Hi James,

It is and will be one of the most difficult challenges you will ever face Icon_sad - but you will overcome it, I'm sure Icon_thumbsupIcon_nod.

Have a look at these threads for very sensible advice and (I hope) bursts of inspiration:

Keloids and dating

Dating with keloids

Hope that helps, even a tiny bit...?

12-06-2017, 05:13
Post: #4
RE: I've never been in a relationship because of keloids
I had a similar experience. By the time I met my wife, I was 24 and my chest keloids were pretty much as big as they ever got. I'm 37 now and their footprint has only slightly expanded and I restarted injections a bit over a year ago.

Anyway, throughout college, I think I only took my shirt off in public a few times and I don't think it was until senior year and around guys. I remember one time playing basketball... I almost always got to play on the shirts team, because my college friends understood my issue. Once I was skins and my college crush saw me shirtless. I tried really hard not to let it bother me. I noticed glances, but no one would say anything.

I met my wife a few years later and the first time I took my shirt off in front of her, I "warned" her first. I told her not to be surprised that I have a scar across my chest (to give you an idea, it's about 6 inches wide and looks like sort of some geographic map of continents). She only asked me if it hurt but wasn't bothered by it.

Nowadays, I take my shirt off in the locker room and I still see a few glances. Almost no one says anything, but once in a while, some straight forward person will ask. I tell them it's a keloid scar and they tell me they thought it was a birthmark or a burn. That's pretty much the start and end of the conversation. Frankly, I appreciate the people who ask. It shows me what type of people they are.

Obviously, depending on the severity of your keloids, your confidence level will be affected differently. That's not to diminish your apprehension, fear, and anxiety because yours may be smaller than mine. Whatever severity, it's an issue. However, by and large, it's your issue and no one else's. If someone else has an issue with your keloids, that person probably isn't right for you either as a friend or a lover.
01-02-2020, 13:19
Post: #5
I've never been in a relationship because of keloids
James, you are not alone. I have keloids all over my chest and upper back, I too find it hard to date people. Hopefully one day we’ll overcome this fear and meet someone who doesn’t mind the scars.

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09-05-2020, 16:39
Post: #6
RE: I've never been in a relationship because of keloids
I can totally relate, James. I'm in my late 20s and it's been soooooooooooooooo difficult to allow partners to see me naked. People always say, "Well, I'm sure you'll find someone who'll love you for you." But that's not what the problem is.

I've dated someone in my mid-20s and he didn't care about my keloids -- in fact, he always said that it didn't take away from my beauty and what not. But, the psychological hang-ups that come with being a keloid sufferer is so deep, that it is difficult to get into that "sexual mindstate" because you're constantly thinking about how ugly your scars are and you feel so unattractive. Sure part of sex is knowing that your partner is attracted to you, but the biggest most important part is FEELING attractive.

Sometimes, I've found myself wanting to cry I cannot escape this feeling of embarrassment during sex -- and I could never actually feel sexy enough to "let go" and enjoy it. In fact, I ended up ending that relationship because of how insecure I was in our sex life and I figured he'd be better off with a non-scarred woman with beautiful skin.

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